The Lighthouse

 

"I will lead you both to a ferry that will carry you out of here. It will cross a large, dark body of water and drop you off at the shores of purgatory from where you'll catch a bus." 

As the two followed Fr. Wolfferger, they saw dark thick fog and then a swamp-like lake that smelled rancid and foul, and reminiscent of skunk spray. Fred said to his niece: "Snakes and black beetles behind us and skunks in front of us."

Anita laughed. Her uncle was great at lightening the mood and finding humor, even in the grimmest of circumstances. “Ha! Yes, I’d take the skunk smell over the snakes and beetles any day!” 

There was no way to tell how long we walked for, but after a very long journey we finally reached the valley of a canyon. It was colossal and it had an entrenched river running through it. Here is where the swamp waters had originated from and had cut through rock. The walls of the canyon cliffs were completely vertical and within the steep terrain there was a long narrow staircase that weaved through the rock. 

As we neared the top, and rose above the dark fog and thick, stench filled air, we could hear water rushing and waves crashing. At the top we could see up ahead an immense ocean and a soaring lighthouse right at the edge of a rocky ledge overlooking the waters below. Behind us was a barren landscape with deep, dark, bottomless chasms cutting through the earth and meeting at the center at an abrupt end into the abyss. Without looking back again, we proceeded to the lighthouse. It was cool and crisp up here and we were led to the entryway of the lighthouse. Father led us through and explained, “Before we can leave, you will need to get clearance.” He thought for a moment, “How should I put this? Its like customs and border protection, the gatekeeper will have to grant you passage. You have nothing to worry about, but you will have to be separated and placed in separate rooms to be interviewed before you can be let through.”

We waited inside until The Gatekeeper, a tall, powerful figure, then emerged. He was radiant, carrying a flaming sword, and had large, powerful wings and piercing eyes. He looked at us and kindly but firmly said, “This way, please.”

Before we walked into our interview rooms, we glanced over at one another and briefly exchanged a nervous nod and smile, before each moving forward and stepped into our corresponding interview rooms. As we stepped in, we were surprised to realize that we could still see each other. A glass wall stood between our two interview rooms. 

The gatekeeper explained. “In these rooms we will be going over your book of life and corresponding files. Because your lives and actions affected one another, your stories will cross reference, so I will have both your books and files readily available.”

Rather than seeing “a book of life”, I saw a room filled with file cabinets with a limitless ceiling, and the files extending high beyond what I could see. There was a different label on each of the file cabinet drawers, both good and bad. Each related to different actions of the will, including omissions. One in particular caught my attention, it said “ACTS OF OMISSION: DUTIES OF PARENTHOOD”. I opened the drawer and pulled out one of the documents. Each of the forms were filled out in my handwriting and had my signature at the bottom. It showed the names of those involved, the date, location, and a description of the sin, and those affected by it. Then it showed a web of reference numbers recording and delineating subsequent sins and consequences relating to that omission. I put it back in the drawer feeling sad and ashamed. I looked at several more in that drawer and then I opened another drawer labeled “LIES”. After browsing for some time I felt so ashamed and overwhelmed I couldn’t bear to look anymore. 

The gatekeeper soon came in and he asked me to sit down. As soon as I sat down, my entire life and the contents of everything that was in the drawers flashed before my eyes. When the flash ended, I saw next to one side of the gatekeeper was a beautiful angel and on the other side was a hideous demon. Suddenly I was infused with the knowledge of all the times each of them had tried to persuade my actions. The demon was salivating and demanding savagely that he be allowed to take me the place in the abyss that had been prepared for me. The angel on the other hand, which I came to realize was my guardian angel, defended me and tried to silence the demon. The demon was allowed to show all my sins and offenses and the just punishments that corresponded to them, and then I was shown the place that was waiting for me in hell, too terrible and frightening to even put into words and with unimaginable pains and tortures. It resembled what Saint Teresa of Avila had described in her vision of Hell, with a dark treacherous place that had specifically been reserved for her. It was so horrible and frightening I lost consciousness. 

I was relieved to awaken to the most brilliant, bright, white light. I couldn’t see anything besides the soft white glow but I soon heard the commanding voice of a man say, 

“I will pay the price.” 

I heard all the file cabinet drawers flying open and papers rustling around like if there was a tornado in the room. There  was a tremendous commotion and then complete silence. I blinked and when I opened my eyes again I saw in an instant but with tremendous detail, Our Lord in his agony in the garden, then betrayed and taken to the chief priests, scourged, tortured, crowned with thorns, mocked, and crucified. I saw his side opened by the soldier with a lance, his body taken down from the cross and laid in the arms of his weeping mother, and then laid in the cold, dark tomb. 

He had paid the price for me to be spared!

And then I saw all the holy communions I had received in my lifetime, each time unifying me closer and closer to Him. The fervent communions with ample thanksgiving prayers afterwards had been the most fruitful for my soul. I also saw all my prayers, my sacrifices, confessions. Nothing had gone unnoticed or without benefit. 

Suddenly, I woke up with a start, I gasped for air, and looked around but the room was empty. The file cabinets were gone and what remained was only a thick, hefty book with golden pages and the cover was embossed with my full name on it. Next to it lay a stamped ticket and a bag with various things, which included a white beeswax candle, a bible, a rosary, a bottle of holy water, some blessed matches, a cord with 15 knots in it, and a brass censer with charcoal and incense.

Anita's uncle walked in with dazed eyes, but then he smiled as their eyes met and then they sparkled. He said, 

"They let me see your interview. It was like mine except my sins were like the darkest black holes with disfigured Freddy Kruger nightmares branded into my soul with a burning sizzle that made me scream, 'My God, why have you forsaken me!' Then I saw the Sacred Heart of Jesus pierced with a lance causing a flood of His Blood to bathe and inflame me with pain and sweet joy as I felted the nightmare sizzled brands healed."

New Great Divorce/Divine Comedy

Inferno

Chapter 1 Inferno

I wasn’t sure where we were or how it was that we got there, but wherever we were, it was not a place where you would choose to go, if you’d have had the choice. 

The town was large, and you could tell also well inhabited, because from the corner of your eye you could see shadows dash quickly across the windows and dark transparent figures that moved so swiftly between the buildings and through the streets that you could blink, then look again, and they would be gone. It made me question whether they had even been there, but a burnt surfer-like stench that lingered in the air hinted to the fact that it wasn’t just our imaginations. 

Yet, at the same time, it was eerily quiet, it felt as if that moment of suspense when you hold your breath, so as to not miss even the slightest sound, in the vast ocean of silence that whispers clues of what might suddenly happen next. Just like that very still, tense moment that happens just before the hunting lioness, lying in hiding between the dense grass, her eyes fixed, paralyzed, and fully engrossed on her prey, holds herself in likewise suspense seconds before making her deadly strike to take down her unsuspecting prey. 

We glanced around trying to figure out where we should go and how to try and leave this dreadful place, but everything looked either closed down or unwelcoming. Windows were boarded up and the doors to each and every one of the brick townhomes that lined the street had makeshift barricades in front of the doors, with so many boards nailed across the entryway that you could barely see the surface of the wooden doors beneath. Padlocks could also be seen on the doors and the message was clear that something was desperately being avoided and trying to be kept out of the homes, at all costs. It was clear to us that we were not safe here. Then we noticed, up and off in the distance, some movement and some occasional flashing and flickering lights, but because of the dense fog at that higher elevation it was hard to make out exactly what it was. 
 
We looked at each other bewildered after realizing there was not a single place that felt acceptable approach, so we decided it might be safer to head over to the area where we saw the lights flashing and flickering from time to time. Hopefully, that’s were we could find our way out. 

Without words we glanced at each other and then immediately started to briskly walk up the hill.

As we made our way up the steep road, I began noticing small, dime-size, black figures scattering away across the floor just before our feet would hit the ground. When I glanced over and looked at my uncle, I was horrified to see little black bugs crawling on his back. I tried to brush them off but at the same time I felt something crawling up my arms and in a panic, I looked down and saw the same beatle like bugs crawling all over me. I screamed, started swating them away and ran and jumped onto a tall pile of debris. My uncle followed me and with his quick thinking and a calm, steady and confident demeanor, acquired from his years of crime fighting and heroic rescues as a sheriff, he grabbed some things from the ground and, fast as lightning, made them into a torch. The homes lining the streets had lanterns with flames burning, so he quickly lit the torch there and came back to where I was. By that time the bugs had covered all of my body but as he approached with the flame you could hear a sharp screeching sound and they scattered away. My uncle said, “They must be afraid of the light! Hold this and I’ll make us another one!” While my uncle made the other torch, I scanned the floor and stared at the bodies of some of the insects I had managed to crush. I could now recognize that type of insect they were, Scarab beetles. 

I reflected on and remembered that scarab beetles are also known as dung beetle and they are appropriately called that way because they toil for, defend, and eat excrement. Why had they been so attracted to me?  As disturbed as I was, soon my gaze focused on what rested beneath me. The debris pile I climbed onto was actually a snake den. Snakes started pouring and slithering out of every crevice. They all stated to quickly slither toward my uncle who was returning from lighting the other torch. They slid past my feet and were everywhere but they actually showed little interest in me. within seconds, More and more came out and they were hissing and staring at my uncle. 

Fred and his niece scampered away down the hill our hearts beating with panicked hysteria we saw behind us transparent figures and dark shadows just behind the top of the hill. Then they both stumbled and rolled until we smashed into a cherry tree, He looked at his niece's face trembling with tears. At that moment, his face radiated rage. 

He bolted back up that hill thundering out:

"In the Name of Our Lord Jesus Christ and His Precious Blood I bind you and send you to the Lamb of God." Suddenly, the figures and shadows appeared to be scampering and disappearing back to the place,

He came back and found Anita offering me cherries. Just as we were each about to bite into a handful of cherries,  a deep voice spoke to us. He had a serious tone, with a hint of sarcasm and he said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." 

Our jaws dropped and we spun around to see who was there. A man stepped toward us and as he stepped into the glow of light coming from our torches we could see he wore a long black cassock. He had short dark hair, glasses, and he held a rosary in one hand and a thick leather bound book in the other.  We immediately recognized him as an exorcist we admired greatly, had listened to often and had learned much from. My uncle stepped forward, "Father Wolfferger?" 

He replied, "I'm glad I found you. We need to get you out of here, immediately!"

Wolfferger began praying in Latin and walking away, and we immediately followed him, staying closely behind. Between prayers, Father spoke with us:

“Our Lady of Mount Carmel sent me to be your guide. There is no way out of here except to pass through the depths of purgatory first. Turn around and I'll explain more after I show you something."

As, we had reached the top of the hill and as we turned around we could now have a clear view of where we had ascended from. It was a city built just around the outskirts of a deep, dark cavernous abyss, He said:

 Right now you were at the gates of Hell. The only reason why you were not sent past the gates and devoured by this place to be tortured here for all eternity is because the Queen of Heaven has interceded on your behalf and Our Lord has not permitted it.” 

My uncle and I reached for our scapulars which clung around our necks, we grasped them and closed our eyes as we prayed a thanksgiving. 

Father Wolfferger explained 

"The beetles had been attracted to you because of your predominant fault of sloth and the snakes had been attracted to my uncle because of his predominant fault of vain glory."

“The vermin at the gates here can 'smell' the state of your soul. Each has its favorite stench. The longer you are there the more The stench of sin and vice ferments, and thus the greater appeal you have. It begins with the vermin, but there are much bigger and more sinister things that would have soon come for you.” 

"I will lead you both to a ferry that will carry you out of here. It will cross a large, dark body of water and drop you off at the shores of purgatory from where you'll catch a bus." 

As the two followed the priest, they saw dark thick fog then a swamp-like lake that stank like skunk spray. Fred said to his niece: "Snakes and black beetles behind us and skunks in front of us."

Chapter 2 The bus

Anita and I sat at the back of the bus, well away from the others and said quietly a Our Father and Hail Mary.

Almost immediately a bright eyed smiling woman sat next to us. As she did we moved off.

I heard you saying the Hail Mary so I thought you wouldn't mind me joining. All the other people in this bus are idiots.

"Why do you say that?" Anita asked.

The her bright eyes and warm, friendly face turned to whimpering and a few tears. Her face remained frozen that way for a moment, while you could tell that she was replaying something in her mind. Then a suddenly, she smirked and perked up, and replied, "Many of us were friends at one time or another." It's very sad, really, after all I did for them! Not even a single thank you!"

"I hope someday they will realized all I did for them. They only think of themselves. "

A man with a long gray beard appeared to overheard our conversation and hesitatingly turned around to face us. He looked up at the smiling woman and whispered, “Hi my name is Thomas. I couldn’t help but over head your conversation and thought I’d share with you a prayer that helps me to be generous with my time and possessions. When I get tempted to count favors, I ask God to help me be more generous and not to expect anything in return. Hope it helps.” He turned around and went back to reading a book he had in hand. 

The woman's face turned sour and she return to the front of the bus.

I said to Anita "It's amazing the reception our phone get here. I wonder how they got the technology into the borderlands of heaven and hell."

Anita said "Let see if we can google here."

We both stayed on the phones for hours until...

The bus driver called out “alright this is the last stop!”

We looked around and realized we had been so absorbed looking on our phones that we missed our stop and the last stop was certainly not heaven. Reluctantly we stepped off the bus. The driver immediately closed the bus doors and sped off like a cat with its tail in fire :) we could see why. As we looked around...

Stranded on the Winding Dirt Road/Sheriff Fred's Niece

Stranded on the Winding Dirt Road

June 09, 2020

Oh Dear Ole Sheriff Fred, 

You just wouldn't believe the day I had today.  I sure could have used your rescuin'.I know if you would've been in town, you would have gotten me out of that pickle faster than a prairie fire with a tail wind. It started like this, I was out with all the youngin's, ridin' along in our horse drawn carriage. 

The road to lil' LiliAnne and Clare's teacher was blocked so we had to take the long, winding road. I'd been a while since I last had fed my horse, you know I'm so busy an' all with the lil' ones. I figured he could make it that last mile, and then I'd get around to  feeding him. Well, I guess I went and pushed that horse a lil' too hard this time because that horse stopped dead in its tracks right as I was making my turn back onto the main road. 

You know how fast those wild cowboys ride down that road too. So here I am, with all the kids, and our carriage is blockin' half the road. Those cowboys passing' through sure were cross at me for the inconvenience of having to ride around us! 

Happy ending to this story though...God sent us a dear ole Good Samaritan, named Steven. He didn't have any food to feed my horse with him so he rode as fast as he could down to the nearest town to pick up a lil' meal for my horse. When he got back, he went right to try in' to feed my troublesome horse, and would you believe that that pesky horse kept spittin' out the food at first! Well, after some time we managed to get him to eat just enough to get him to inch his way out of blocking the road. 

Finally, he perked up, I convinced him to eat until he had his fill and then away we went. Please pray for that Good Samaritan named Steven. It sure could have been worse.

Based on a true story

Confessions of a Mother, continued: The Other Side of The Story/It's a Wonderful Life/ Screw Tape

Confessions of a Mother, continued: The Other Side of The Story

June 09, 2020

Joseph: Clearance, I have a special case for you down on earth.

Clearance: Will I win my wings second class this time  if I get her thru this.

Joseph: Yes, Clearance.  She needs the light and clarity you can give her. View her life at the moment and how the evil one is attempting to manipulate her.

Here he mentions all the things Tarbile did that day, which Tarbile described in detail in his letter to Cinderrott and later to Ashbowel (the one assigned to The Uncle).

Clearance: My, my... the devil the enemy assign to her is playing in her imagination that she is a terrible mom when in reality she a loving mom with a husband and children that love her and know they know they are loved by her.

She has the minor phone imperfections of her uncle and they are already working on the overcoming it.

The evil one assign to her is trying to get her obsessed with this minor imperfection.

Joseph: Yes, Clearance. Doesn't this case remind you of another case.

Clearance: Yes. Didn't they make a movie about it.

Joseph: Yes Clearance.  They called it: It's a Wonderful Life.

The Great Divorcement

Chapter 1 The Great Chasm

I wasn’t sure where we were or how it was that we got there, but wherever we were, it was not a place where you would choose to go, if you’d have had the choice. 

The town was large, and you could tell also well inhabited, because from the corner of your eye you could see shadows dash quickly across the windows and dark transparent figures that moved so swiftly between the buildings and through the streets that you could blink, then look again, and they would be gone. It made me question whether they had even been there, but a burnt surfer-like stench that lingered in the air hinted to the fact that it wasn’t just our imaginations. 

Yet, at the same time, it was eerily quiet, it felt as if that moment of suspense when you hold your breath, so as to not miss even the slightest sound, in the vast ocean of silence that whispers clues of what might suddenly happen next. Just like that very still, tense moment that happens just before the hunting lioness, lying in hiding between the dense grass, her eyes fixed, paralyzed, and fully engrossed on her prey, holds herself in likewise suspense seconds before making her deadly strike to take down her unsuspecting prey. 

We glanced around trying to figure out where we should go and how to try and leave this dreadful place, but everything looked either closed down or unwelcoming. Windows were boarded up and the doors to each and every one of the brick townhomes that lined the street had makeshift barricades in front of the doors, with so many boards nailed across the entryway that you could barely see the surface of the wooden doors beneath. Padlocks could also be seen on the doors and the message was clear that something was desperately being avoided and trying to be kept out of the homes, at all costs. It was clear to us that we were not safe here. Then we noticed, up and off in the distance, some movement and some occasional flashing and flickering lights, but because of the dense fog at that higher elevation it was hard to make out exactly what it was. 
 
We looked at each other bewildered after realizing there was not a single place that felt acceptable approach, so we decided it might be safer to head over to the area where we saw the lights flashing and flickering from time to time. Hopefully, that’s were we could find our way out. 

Without words we glanced at each other and then immediately started to briskly walk up the hill.

As my niece and I scampered away down the hill our hearts beating with panicked hysteria we saw behind us transparent figures and dark shadows just behind the top of the hill. Then we both stumbled and rolled until we smashed into a cherry tree, I looked at my niece's face trembling with tears. At that moment, my face radiated rage. 

I ran back up that hill thundering out "In the Name of Our Lord Jesus Christ and His Precious Blood I bind you and send you to the Lamb of God." Suddenly, the figures and shadows appeared to be scampering and disappearing back to the place,

I came back and found Anita offering me cherries.

Chapter 2

.

Anita and I sat at the back of the bus, well away from the others and said quietly a Our Father and Hail Mary.

Almost immediately a bright eyed smiling woman sat next to us. As she did we moved off.

I heard you saying the Hail Mary so I thought you wouldn't mind me joining. All the other people in this bus are idiots.

"Why do you say that?" Anita asked.

The her bright eyes and warm, friendly face turned to whimpering and a few tears. Her face remained frozen that way for a moment, while you could tell that she was replaying something in her mind. Then a suddenly, she smirked and perked up, and replied, "Many of us were friends at one time or another." It's very sad, really, after all I did for them! Not even a single thank you!"

"I hope someday they will realized all I did for them. They only think of themselves. "

A man with a long gray beard appeared to overheard our conversation and hesitatingly turned around to face us. He looked up at the smiling woman and whispered, “Hi my name is Thomas. I couldn’t help but over head your conversation and thought I’d share with you a prayer that helps me to be generous with my time and possessions. When I get tempted to count favors, I ask God to help me be more generous and not to expect anything in return. Hope it helps.” He turned around and went back to reading a book he had in hand. 

The woman's face turned sour and she return to the front of the bus.

I said to Anita "It's amazing the reception our phone get here. I wonder how they got the technology into the borderlands of heaven and hell."

Anita said "Let see if we can google here."

We both stayed on the phones for hours until...

The bus driver called out “alright this is the last stop!”

We looked around and realized we had been so absorbed looking on our phones that we missed our stop and the last stop was certainly not heaven. Reluctantly we stepped off the bus. The driver immediately closed the bus doors and sped off like a cat with its tail in fire :) we could see why. As we looked around...

How to Pray

In the silent darkness our hidden God speaks to us in ways beyond concepts as Fr Dubay says.  Our souls are nourished even in this dark night of longing and thrist for God.

Fred

How to Pray

"Yet everything depends on this ability to stand still and to be present with full inner awareness."

"The basic meaning of the word 'collected' is to be gathered together, united.
A glance at our life will show how much we lack this aptitude. We should have a fixed centre which, like the hub of a wheel, governs our movements and from which all our actions go out and to which they return; a standard, also, or a code by which we distinguish the important from the unimportant, the end from the means and which puts actions and experiences into their proper order; something stable, unaffected by change and yet capable of development, which makes it clear to us who we are and how matters stand with us. We lack this; we, the men of today, lack it more than did those who lived in earlier ages.

"This becomes evident in our attempts to pray. Spiritual teachers speak of 'distraction' as that state in which man lacks poise and unity, that state in which thoughts flit from object to object, in which feelings are vague and unfocused and the will ineffective. Man in this state is not really a person who speaks or who can be spoken to, but merely an unco-ordinated bundle of thoughts, feelings and sensations.

"Collectedness means that he who prays gathers himself together, directs his attention on to what he is doing, draws in all thought—a painstaking task—so as to dedicate himself to prayer as a unified whole. This is the state in which he may, when the call comes to him, answer in the words of Moses, 'Here am I (Exod. 3:4).[page 19]

"In it awakens not only the religious consciousness but a new and higher consciousness, which we might call the spiritual heart of the child of God.

"On this holy ground the reality of God becomes manifest. It may happen that man experiences it suddenly and is overcome by its grandeur and flooded by its proximity. If this happens, he knows that he is receiving the great and intimate mystery of prayer. He must receive it with reverence and guard it well. But such an event is rare indeed and more often than not nothing happens. The God of whom the worshipper had said, 'He is here,' remains silent and hidden. Then the prayer, supported by faith alone, must go out into this silent darkness and maintain itself there.

"In collectedness the worshipper says, 'God is here and here also am I.'" [Page 23]

[Romano Guardini, Prayer in Practice, Page 18, 23]